


Interruption (Hopeless Wanderer)

by onceandfuture



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Tumblr: bbcmerlinfest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 06:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1594574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onceandfuture/pseuds/onceandfuture
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reincarnation is a tiresome thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interruption (Hopeless Wanderer)

**Author's Note:**

> Collaboration with majestictales.tumblr.com (She made the fanmix and graphic for this edit)  
> can be found here http://majestictales.tumblr.com/post/85280474303/bbc-merlin-fest-week-2-day-7   
> by guineveire.tumblr.com 
> 
> for bbcmerlinfest

He didn’t know why he did it, it would never work and every time he tried, the world would find a way of punishing him, even more. Keeping him away from Arthur, forcing him to live. But every year, it got harder and harder. The greatest sorcerer in the damn world and he couldn’t successfully kill himself. He could wipe out entire armies, whole civilizations, with just a whisper but he couldn’t defeat the curse of his immortality.

He thought about trying to find Excalibur from the Lake. That should be able to do the deed. He’d push it deep into his chest and leave the world no more than a man. That was futile; his attempts were wasted and only wore away at his resources and his spirit. He suspected Freya was behind the concealment of Excalibur. He yelled into the Lake constantly, hoping she, both of them, would be able to hear his pleas. After all he had done for magic and the community; they couldn’t grant him his ease. No one could find a way. The dragons had died out and no other weapon had existed, and after he gave up all hope in trying to retrieve Excalibur, he thought about spending the rest of his life in this world, alone.

He had tried to make friends, but eventually the same fate would befall them all. They would die, he would outlive them. It seemed people in this world took death for advantage, they always felt so sad to lose the ones they loved, but they only outlived them by a few years, Merlin’s solitude eclipsed theirs. They didn’t know how lucky they were, most were soothed by the thought or being reunited with their loved ones after death, and he had slightly resented them for it. He made the mistake of forming bonds with people, getting too close. It was at his weakest point; he couldn’t help himself, after the people of his time had eventually been taken by time. He thought they would fill the gap, soothe his pain. But he was on the rebound and should’ve thought straight. When they too left him, his wounds sharply reopened and the world was rubbing the salt in with a grin.  
  
There were stages; first there was denial, he hadn’t fully accepted his failure, that they were gone. He had deluded himself, convinced himself that they would return, but no matter how many times he repeated himself. Nothing changed. Then there was depression, the loneliness of the world was crushing him and it was all too much to bear, he felt as if there was a constant grey cloud surrounding him and he just wanted to sink in the rain. Then came the anger, the rage, the bitterness, at everything. He hated the world, he hated his destiny. Emrys, the immortal, and until his destiny was fulfilled, the immortal he would remain. He wouldn’t be set free. He was shackled to it and had to carry it on his shoulders, even if it broke his spine.  
  
The night that marked Arthur’s death. Another year in the centuries that had passed another milestone. Merlin had shamefully sought comfort in alcohol. But who did he have to feel ashamed for? There was no one left that he cared about or loved. He had given up on love a long time ago. He made it a habit to visit the Lake. He used to come by every day, but he realized it did more harm than good, so he resorted to coming back once a year now. He sat shoeless at the edge of the waterbed, with his feet touching the icy water. All the vodka had reminded Merlin of the misconceptions Arthur had had about him being a drunkard and his love for the Tavern. He laughed to himself, even though it was mostly empty.  
  
He looked out onto the Lake, it was so still. To think Arthur was under there. Just a few feet between the two worlds. He wondered what it must feel like to die, where they go. They must all be together, like the old days, in utter bliss. And he could not join them, not even watch from behind the gates. Merlin stood up and neared the Lake, with each step he took closer to it, deeper in it, the water began to rise, it started to soak his jeans and make his skin prickle.  
  
“Well, buddy, one last try. For you” he slurred, yelling at the sky. Deeper and deeper he went, until the water was at his neck, he then took his last breath, closed his eyes and fell. He sank below and allowed the water to consume him.  
  
 **Blackness.**

  
***

  
“Merlin” he heard a woman call his name, it was so faint he thought he must be imagining it.  
  
“Merlin”…”don’t do this Merlin”…”Merlin, listen to me”…”Wake up, it’s time” this time, he heard the voice so vividly in his mind, the words broke into fragments, but he was sure he was hearing a voice. As if the woman was actually there. She sounded so familiar. He tried to remember her. He just assumed he was so drunk that he was starting to hallucinate, because he was hearing Freya’s voice and the water was starting to get warm. Maybe this is what dying feels like? Maybe this is it.  
  
As the water filled his lungs and his skin began to tickle a slow glow came from deep beneath the water. The clichés were right, it was as if he was going towards the light and as he got closer to it and the gold glow enveloped him, so did the water. Everything was gone.  
  
 **Nothing.**

 **  
*****

  
His ears were ringing and his chest felt like it was being crushed by a ton of bricks while simultaneously being stomped on by a thousand horses.  
  
 **Static.** There it was. The sharp pain that made him feel like a broken buzzing television. His muscles were aching and his skin was crying for some heat.  
  
“Merlin..Merlin” a voice said, softly.  
  
“One”  
  
 **Push.** His torso heaved.

“Two”

 **Push.** His lungs were burning.  
  
“Three”  
  
 **Push.** Was he dead?  
  
A mouth connected with his, it was cold yet he could taste the dewy warmth on the inside.  
  
 **Blow.** Oxygen surged through him in a pattern.  
  
 **Blow - In. Out. In. Out.**  
  
Finally, his chest was pummeled again and he felt a stab within. He jerked upwards and coughed violently, his lungs gave up their contents and water came out along with air. He heaved for a minute or so, catching a mouthful of air. He dropped his body and lay on his back, trying to remember how to breathe.  
  
What was going on, how was he alive? He was so sure that he was dead. He was finally there. Who had done this to him?  
  
He opened his eyes. Alcohol poisoning, or what it felt like, doubled with drowning had blurred his vision and disorientated his senses. He fixed his eyes on the person that had “saved” him. He would remind himself to sure be thankful to the stranger later on. Squinting he tried to focus on the grey, blonde, white, brown colours that swirled in front of him.

“Hello” he had attempted to say, but it came out in a croak and more of a hiss.  
  
“Are you ok, Merlin?” replied the now apparent man.  
  
How did he even know his name? Which is what Merlin would’ve asked if he could spell his own name right now, his mind was spinning.  
  
He cleared his throat. “Who is it? Who are you?” he asked, trying to gain some straight vision.

“It is destiny my love, destiny and chicken” the man joked.  
  
What the f—Merlin sat silently, baffled. But his sight was fully returning, he looked at the man closely this time. Chainmail, a robe with the dragon he knew all too well in gold and a face he could never forget.  
  
“A- Arthur? Is it really you or am I unconscious right now. Better yet, dead?”  
  
“You tried to be, but it really is me Merlin, I’ve returned”  
  
“You’re back?”

“Yes..”  
  
“Really”  
  
“Yes!” this time Arthur strained, “do you want a feel?”  
  
“You’ve had centuries to perfect your entrance and you kiss me and make a joke” he said, relaxing.  
  
“Well, I thought it was good. For a drunk wet mess, you’re a good kisser you know. Though I was saving your life, I expect your first born child” he laughed.  
  
“Why did you? Why did you need to? How was I dying..I thought I was immortal?” he replied, what had finally made his plans successful.  
  
“Because I was returning, your destiny is complete, our destinies are intertwined, you’re only immortal because you had to wait for me to come and set you free of you..duty, I’m sorry Merlin, I never wanted this for you. Freya could sense it, she told me, but there was nothing I could do. She tried her best to deter you, through all the barriers, but I only hoped I returned in time. That was.. the erm glowing light, that was me. Us dead people like to put on a show.” He explained  
  
“So you’re really alive..” he said, realising he’d been repeating that a lot. He squeezed Arthur’s cheeks as a joke but Arthur held his hand on top of his. He could feel the coldness of his skin, words and visions weren’t good enough, he wanted to feel him, he wanted to keep his hand there forever. He wanted to feel his face and hair and taste his lips and relive it all again.  
  
He held Arthur’s face against his and kissed him, so deeply and passionately, a kiss that showed all the days and nights he missed him, all the years he felt alone. He couldn’t bear it; Merlin combed his fingers through Arthur’s hair, still as bright as he remembers. Arthur’s eyes were shining, the moonlight bouncing off his golden eyes as they looked into his.  
  
“What was that for?” Arthur asked quizzically, parting slightly.  
  
“Shut up, you’ve been gone for centuries, you owe me. And I was meant to but I forgot the last time, you know with you dying and all, you clotpole.” He replied.  
  
“I do” Arthur said, raising his eyebrow, “sorry about that again” He chuckled  
  
“..And I have a reputation to keep, that before was not a kiss, this is a kiss. I’m a good kisser you know”  
  
“I know” Arthur said endearingly.  
  
“Now..this is a great reunion but I am tired. I might drop dead” he joked “Is this what it’s like, being able to die?”  
  
“Sadly yes, us mortals had it rough” Arthur said, rolling his eyes.  
  
“Lets go home” Merlin said  
  
“So, where’s your horse?” Arthur asked, he didn’t feel like walking. The reincarnation really drained him.

Merlin laughed “Ow, don’t make me laugh, my sides hurt. Horse? Arthur, we drive cars now” he said.  
  
“Cars..cars. Oh shit” he added  
  
“What is it?” Arthur asked  
  
“I didn’t even bring my car, why would I? I parked it a mile away, and I don’t have my phone to call a cab. Uhm, we’ll have to walk to the car, sorry Arthur. Or we could hitchhike but I doubt anyone would stop for a soaked hobo and a man in chainmail. Arthur you have so much to catch up on. Horses.. “ he laughed again.  
  
As they walked, both of them didn’t yet want to think of why Arthur returned. What danger was Camelot in (whatever they called it nowadays)? Maybe..just maybe Avalon was sick of him, he hoped that was it. But their hands were linked and it was a beautiful night, and that was enough.


End file.
